


Gotta Secret, Can you keep it?

by Benwilson



Category: Glee
Genre: Blackmail, Bribery, Coercion, Kurt is a Scary Gay Ninja, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-15 21:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benwilson/pseuds/Benwilson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Kurt Hummel works in secrets. He likes to know everything about everyone, whilst blending into the background. But a secret life is only good for so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gotta Secret, Can you keep it?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I've taken a break from the Sociological Studies Universe, since the current story is kicking my ass. My next project is a transplant of the Young Avengers into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

_Kurt Hummel worked in secrets._

 

_It was an easy business, when you really worked at it. At one point in his life, he had been ready to pack it in entirely, and take to the spot light. To live his life as truthfully as he ever could._

 

_A slushy to the face changed his mind._

 

_Instead he decided to become the student mastermind of McKinley High. The student version of Sue Sylvester, only more secretive. It was very slow going, until he hit his stride._

 

_And it all started with an accident._

 

***

 

The night was full of laughter, as Kurt moved from room to room unseen. In one room, the Star Quaterback was making out with the head cheerleader, whilst his best friend glared on. In another, Santana Lopez, aspiring head cheerleader, was making out with Brittany S. Pierce, aspiring crazy cheerleader.

 

Kurt had gotten in easily enough. Nobody gave him a second look, as he slid into the background. He could sit on the arm of the chair whilst the Quaterback held court, and nobody said a thing. There was another like him. Matt Rutherford. Never said a word, but fell into position as a footballer and shattered his own illusion.

 

The downstairs had been mined for secrets, and Kurt had a few more little ones he could use for his purposes. He wondered how Jacob Ben Israeli would like an anonymous tip off about Charlotte, who was looking to make a name for herself as 'Cheerleader with the Neck Brace', as he reached the stairs, taking a step upwards, before something made him pause.

 

The cellar door had light coming from the tiny crack between the bottom and the floor.

 

Kurt took a brief look around, as he moved to the door, resting the back of his head against it lightly. The sound of disgusting teenage kissing was obvious, and Kurt felt his stomach clench in disgust and jealousy.

 

He should have paid closer attention to the hinges. Rookie mistake, he decided, as the door opened inward, and he stumbled down the stairs, catching himself on the landing as he almost went head over heels over it.

 

David Karofsky was a bully who thrived on humiliating his enemies over percieved weaknesses, paying no mind when he too had those weaknesses. His choice weapon was a cherry slushy, being partial to the way the red gloop would almost look like blood for a second. He had dated Sheryl Teagues for two weeks last year, but broke up when she 'didn't give it up', and remained broken up when she offered to again. The other boy was completely new to Kurt, and barely a blip on his radar.

 

The fact they had been kissing, was perfect.

 

"Who..." Dave growled as he pulled away, erection clear in his pants. The other boy fell away looking terrified.

 

"Say another word, and I scream, and bring everyone in here. And I doubt you'll explain away that hickey well enough given you're alone, in a basement, with a guy." Kurt grinned as Dave's mouth shut with an audible snap.

 

"I... uh... I don't even go here." The smaller boy said, holding up his hand as though he might in a lesson, which to Kurt was almost down right adorable. "I'm Blaine Ande..."

 

"That's very interesting." Kurt waved the boy away. "Right now, I need to have a word with Mr. Karofsky. But, I would appreciate you writing down your phone number. This could go four ways. Mr. Karofsky doesn't play fair, and you'll side with me about what happened, and I make it sound as though he was forcing himself on you. Mr. Karofsky plays fair, but you don't, and he makes it sound like you lured him down into the basement. You both play nice, and I only ask you for things when I need it. Or neither of you do, and I devote my life to ripping you both down."

 

"You can't prove anything... Hummel." Karofsky snapped the name, as he finally placed the small boy in his mind, hiking his shirt up to cover the hickey. "You didn't take any pictures."

 

"Pictures of what?"

 

"Pictures of me making out with Blaine." Dave growled.

 

"Really Dave?" Kurt laughed softly. "You're not going to call him your boyfriend?"

 

"..." Dave made an aborted noise of anger.

 

"Or have you been making out with a lot of guys in the cellar of house parties."

 

"Why? Jealous?"

 

"No, just wanted to get you to admit when and where you were doing it on tape, so when I hand it to Jacob Ben Israeli, he'll have the right facts. It won't prove anything, but people would start paying very close attention to everything they do and do not know about you. And Exs would start wondering why you never took up the offer for guilt free sex. sooner or later, you'd be exposed." Kurt smirked, as he clicked off the phone in his pocket. "And the copy I just sent to my home computer, means that if anything untoward happens to me, the police will find it, and aim themselves at you in an instant."

 

"What do you want Hummel."

 

"I'm not quite sure yet." Kurt grinned, eyeing the two boys. "Let's see where to start..."

 

***

 

_That had been the first step. Through Dave Karofsky, Kurt had eyes and ears in places that he could never have accessed before. He could hear of locker room boasts, and confessions, and all he had to do? Was provide a little protection for his minion. Plus half of Blaine's 'pocket money' every week, was a welcome addition. Soon, he had several places in the building wired for sound, with all the wonderful gossip that came with it._

 

_Such as Mr. Shuesters failed attempts to restart the Glee Club. Kurt barely cared, other than knowing that the infuriating Rachel Berry was a part of the reason he kept trying. Several attempts in, and Kurt overheard a very interesting discussion in the nurses office, about Mrs. Shuester trying to buy Quinn Fabray's baby._

 

_It was Kurt's civic duty to let Mr. Shue know about it. A small, computer printed note, slipped into his car after Puckerman spray painted the bonnet with a very lovely penis, made that relationship crumble horrifically._

 

_Dave had helped with a few little things. For one, Kurt's budgeoning crush on Finn all but dissolved when he saw Finn bullying Dave for speaking with the 'fag'. Dave had wonderfully played the homophobe, destroying Finn's aprehensions about the boy._

 

_Still..._

 

_Kurt wasn't one to let things go that easily._

 

***

 

"You know, I've noticed a lot of things recently." Kurt grinned, when Finn opened the door to find him and Dave stood there. "For one, your phone took a serious downgrade recently. I worried that your family might be having money troubles, but... Looks like you're doing quite well."

 

"Uh... Kurt, right?"

 

"Yes. Kurt Hummel. You know Dave right?"

 

"Yeah. Hey, Karofsky."

 

Karofsky grunted, crossing his arms defensively.

 

"Now, where was I. Oh, yes. Money." Kurt hummed to himself. "I went back over things in my mind. I remembered that the day your phone went from top of the line to top of the heep, you gave Quinn Fabray a bunch of money to help with her bastard child."

 

"Hey! Don't call my kid a..."

 

"It is a bastard. Born out of wedlock. Unless you and Miss Fabray are eloping?" Kurt asked, cocking an eyebrow.

 

"Right, look, Kurt, I don't say anything to you at school, but I'm not comfortable with you showing up on my doorstep and talking like this."

 

"You're quite right, it would be better to do this inside." Kurt smiled, charmingly. "I mean, when I found this in a pawn shop, I thought it couldn't possibly be yours. But... well, lets say, you left a few things on here." He pulled the phone out of his pocket, pressing a button to light up the screen. "Hey, Rachel. Want to hang out tonight. 'Rehearse' winky face, kiss, kiss."

 

Finn frowned, his face twisting in rage as he reached out to grab Kurt's arm. Dave's heavy hand stopped him in his track, twisting his wrist painfully. "Don't touch him."

 

"Thank you, Karofsky. It wouldn't do him any good. I've left out my stationary at home, with a detailed letter to be sent to Quinn Fabray about exactly what I found, with evidence." Kurt hummed, smiling warmly at Finn. "Perhaps now would be a good time to invite us inside."

 

"Dude, you can't tell Quinn! She's having my baby."

 

"Yes, the stress could harm the baby. Oh, you meant she'd break up with you. Both those things would be horrible. Poor Drizzle, (that is what you call her right?) no dad, and probably a mental disorder. Why, she could be her generations Becky Jackson."

 

Finn's face turned white, and he stepped out of the way. "My mom's out."

 

"I know." Kurt nodded, moving into the house, and taking it in. "Nice TV."

 

"Do you want it? I can make it look like someone break in." Finn said, his voice a little hopeful. "I mean..."

 

"No, Finn." Kurt rolled his eyes. "And I know you don't have any money. Dave here can inform you of the deal I'm willing to make. I'm going to use your bathroom. Try not to have a corenary whilst I'm away."

 

Kurt grinned as the voices raised to shouts as soon as he had left. The word 'Fag' was thrown around a lot, and Dave's deep voice managed to keep away the edge of hysteria that Finn quickly fell into. Finn's bathroom was very easily distinguishable, but it was the master bedroom that caught his eye. A very obvious (to him) fake book stood on the bookshelf, nestled between a book of love poetry and a worn copy of The Great Gatsby.

 

His fingers prickled at the thought of the secrets it could contain. He was already in the bedroom, when he made his mind up, removing the book and opening it's contents.

 

The documents in his hands made him grin wildly. Mr. Hudson wasn't the saviour Finn portrayed in school. Drunk and Disorderlies, Psychologist reports about a violent streak, Drug problems, and... Suicide.

 

Hell, he was dishonourably discharged from the army.

 

Kurt smirked, taking a few quick snaps of the documents with his phone. This would help keep him in control when the nine month pregnancy finally lapsed, and the child of Quinn Fabray and Noah Puckerman came into the world. The living room had fallen quiet, so Kurt made his entrance into the front room again.

 

***

 

Finn Hudson actually tuirned out to be quite charming when he put his mind to it. And having the star quaterback under his thumb was such a rush, that Kurt felt the need to expand his empire even further. Quinn Fabray was caught in the lie about who the babies father was, and was easy prey, but would require careful watching. Lopez had a weak spot in Brittany S. Pierce, and could be exploited by using her family heavily catholic upbringing. Mercedes Jones and Tina Cohen-Chang were, thanks to Mr. Shue's wild plotting and introduction to April Rhodes, were junior shop lifters. Not prison worthy, but parental and educational shame worthy. Noah Puckerman, was crushed under the knowledge he was the real babies father. Each were brought a little into the fold, as Kurt wondered what to do next.

 

Of course, he occasionally had to do a little protecting of his own.

 

***

 

"I'm not a fag!"

 

Kurt paused, turning his attention to the lockers further down the corridor. Karofsky looked inches from pounding Azimo Adams into the ground, as he smirked at his phone.

 

"Oh, Blainey poo! I can't wait to have you over tonight." Azimo mocked, a cruel sneer playing across his face. "What, he your girlfriend? Maybe we should track him down and see what he says. Blaine's the guy from the posh school who goes to your parties, ain't he Shane?"

 

"I..."

 

"Yeah. My Brother goes there, says he's a big shot on campus with his Glee Club."

 

"Dude, that's so gay." Azimo laughed loudly, and Kurt could almost see the specks of spit hitting Dave in the face. Dave had gone deathly pale, and had his attention not been on staying up right, he looked as though he would fall violently.

 

Kurt frowned, pulling out his phone. A quick to Finn and Puck had there heads shooting up to look at Kurt, frowning. Kurt pointedly looked down the hall, and the two took the hint, moving to Karofsky's defence. Kurt watched as the two quickly returned Dave's phone, and talked Shane and Azimo down, as Dave stormed away, Kurt not far behind, blending into the throngs of students.

 

When Dave entered the empty classroom, Kurt quickly followed, moving to lean against the teacher's desk. "So he is your boyfriend."

 

"Fuck off, Ku... Hummel!" Dave spat, his hands tearing at his hair.

 

"Please dear god, tell me you don't call him Blainey poo."

 

"I'm gonna kill you!"

 

"And I was going to help you." Kurt huffed, straightening his clothes. "I guess I'll just go ahead and leave you to it."

 

"How can you help! People know." Dave grunted collapsing into the desk.

 

"You're right. I can't stop people knowing you're gay. But you'll notice that the Quaterback and the... Puckerman were very quickly by your side to protect you. Say the word, and I'll start calling favours and you'll be wandering the halls with an honour guard."

 

"So what? You're still gonna protect me, even though you've got nothing over me?"

 

"Dave... no-one deserves to be beaten or humiliated based on sexuality. I'm gay. I wouldn't want it to happen to me, and you shouldn't have to deal with it too."

 

"...What if I don't want to help you out anymore?"

 

"I'm sure that you don't have to. I would hope that the knowledge that I'm willing to protect you to the best of my abilities would make you realise you're not a minion."

 

"What? You bribe, blackmail, and coerce all your friends?"

 

"If I have to." Kurt shrugged, "Myself and Mercedes Jones have become very close. She's good at getting gossip out into the student body in minutes. Tina Cohen-Chang asked me for a favour recently. I'm a very good friend, if I'm treated right."

 

"... I broke up with Blaine." Dave muttered. "Fucking idiots couldn't read a time stamp. It's from when we first started dating properly. Sentimental reasons."

 

"..." Kurt frowned, standing up properly, his body open and neutral. "I'm sorry."

 

"He couldn't stand the idea that we were only together because of your blackmail. And there was some guy called Sebastian..."

 

"I can have his social life dead and buried in two days, if you want." Kurt offered genuinly.

 

"I'm good." Dave half cracked a smile. "I'm no girl, Hummel. I don't got any skills..."

 

"Have. You don't have any espionage skills. Doesn't mean we couldn't be friends." Kurt shrugged, "I mean... Tina is good at going un-noticed, but it isn't necessary with my set up. I'm still working at introducing her to Mike Chang."

 

"Dude, from the football team?" Dave smirked, "I feel like it's a bit racist we're pairing off the asians."

 

"Shush you." Kurt grinned, before he stopped himself. "But... Yes. Consider yourself free from any obligation to me, Dave. I would like it if we could continue being friends, but... If you choose not to I will understand."

 

"... Thanks, Kurt." Dave said softly, looking away. "I need some time."

 

"Take all the time you need." Kurt nodded, raising his phone, as he shot off a couple of emails. By the end of the day, Brittany would be telling Miss Sylvester that Azimo had touched her innapropriately, and he would be out. And Mercedes would be spreading the knowledge of exactly where Shane's parents had gotten all their money. Or rather, his mother.

 

By the end of the day, those two would be burried.

 

***

 

Friendships bloomed quickly. Kurt and Mercedes became inseperable, and Tina became a close second, thanks to her budgeoning relationship with Mike Chang keeping her from spending as much time with her.

 

Kurt had taken a few days to personally assess Mike Chang, before Matt Rutherford approached him, and asked him why he was sizing up his bro.

 

The exchange had been so odd, and different from his routine with Quinn. Neither of them were trying to boost themselves higher. Just... get information. It turned out, Mike Chang came from a very traditional family. He loved to dance, and wanted to learn to sing, and played football enough to be in shape, but not enough for it to be his life.

 

All Kurt had to do in advance was explain to Matt why he did what he did.

 

It wasn't easy. He wasn't making himself better. He wasn't hurting anyone. He just liked... Knowing secrets.

 

Unfortunately, they were dropping like flies. First, Quinn/Puck/Finn imploded horrifically when Kurt was away from school ill. Tina, and Mercedes told him all about it, as they fussed over his sickly form. Finn heard Puck and Quinn talking about the baby, and blew up at Puck, who claimed the baby, and Quinn admitted it.

 

Luckily, Quinn was already tapped for secrets, so Kurt was ready to let her go. Puckerman was a surprise though, when he showed up on the doorstep the same day, Karofsky in toe.

 

***

 

"I hear you want friends." Puckerman muttered, walking into the house without an invitation as Tina gaped at him. "And from what I can see, the benefit package is pretty awesome. I notice how anyone who calls Dave here a fag suddenly takes a dive in grades, or popularity, or occasionally health."

 

"If Strando had paid attention, he'd have noticed that his inhaler had run out." Kurt muttered, his eyes lidded. "That wasn't just for Dave. He had some choice things to say about me too. And it wasn't fatal."

 

"Just enough that his parents think he needs a break from sports." Puck snorted. "Nice save."

 

"I try. What's your point, Puckerman."

 

"I... uh... I know Finn's going to come after me, and my reputations taken a big hit as it is. I wanted you on my side."

 

"I won't hurt Finn. He's one of mine." Kurt said solidly. "He also won't hurt you though. I can work at fixing your reputation. Maybe slash Quinn's down a little whilst I'm at it." The coughing fit that followed destroyed the illusion, and Tina grabbed him a glass of water as Mercedes stepped forward.

 

"Listen here, Puckerman. What makes you think Kurt wants you."

 

"Well he's into guys, and I'm a stud." Puck grinned winningly, but wilted a little when everyone leveled a glare against him. "What? It's true. Loads of people guess. You're just too small for most people to notice, and when people realise how big you are? They're too scared."

 

"Ouch. My Ego." Dave muttered, grinning back when Kurt beamed at him.

 

"And I'm good to Dave. I mean, I thought he was a dick at first, but I totally get the hating what you are thing. And I'm always there for him, which is more than I can say for Finn... I cook! Nothing special like, but I can do good meals. I learnt helping look after my sister. I'm good at guitar. I mean, it's a bit gay...I mean, girly. But yeah, most of your friends are singers and stuff, right?"

 

"I play piano." Kurt muttered mainly to himself.

 

"And... I don't know." Pcuk shrugged. "Look, I didn't expect a formal interview. If you want me to do something, tell me, and I'm good with it."

 

"Hmm." Kurt pondered, "What if I told you to date Karofsky?"

 

"Uh... I guess..." Puck frowned, looking over at Dave.

 

"No way, Hummel." Dave blushed, glaring.

 

"Relax, it was a theoretical. What would you do, Puck?"

 

"Show him a good time. I probably wouldn't go all the way. Sorry dude, but no dicks are going in me, but... I guess I'd be okay the other way. And I trust you'd have some plan to it."

 

"You... trust me?" Kurt asked, shuffling uncomfortably.

 

"Dude, you're the most put together teenager I've ever met. You have everything planned out, and you wouldn't make me do something just to hurt me." Puck shrugged, "I mean... Shouldn't I?"

 

"... You're in, Puckerman." Kurt nodded slowly, frowning softly to himself. "Finn will back off, and I'll see what I can do about your street cred."

 

"Do I have to... uh..." Puck made a vague gesture at Dave.

 

"No. Don't worry." Kurt smiled softly. "You're not his type."

 

"Hey! I'm everyone's type." Puck pouted. "You don't think I'm hot."

 

"I'm pleading the fifth."  Dave grinned. "I think I made a decision too Kurt."

 

"I guessed." Kurt laughed, which turned into a coughing fit that he couldn't stop. "Sorry guys, just... dying."

 

"Drama Queen." Puck scoffed, before he grinned. "Sorry, teenager, Drama Princess."

 

"I hate you already." Kurt mumbled, throwing a ball of rolled up tissue at him. "Go. Play Halo and fart, and whatever manly teenagers do."

 

"You seriously don't want me to do anything."

 

"Just... be my friend." Kurt shrugged. "It's all up to you. I try not to be demanding."

 

***

 

_Kurt spent the next few days, coughing up a storm, and trying to direct everything from home. On one hand, more time with his audio feeds. On the other.... No direct contact._

 

_Finn was easy to confuse and send off track, when Kurt asked him to ask his mom about genetic disposition to anger issues. Quinn fell apart as Miss Sylvester removed her from the team._

 

_The day he got back to school was a different matter._

 

***

 

He could hear the laughter, and he wanted to curl into a ball and die. Puck was backing off, his hands held up in mock surrender, but his eyes held worry and fear. Kurt clasped his throat as Mercedes wrapped an around him and lead him to his locker.

 

"Dude what was that?"

 

Kurt took a deep breath, turning to face Puck. "What was that? What was the arm thing?"

 

"I was trying to walk with you."

 

"Walking involves feet, Puckerman. Occasionally, Wheels, but mainly, Feet." Kurt growled, before shaking his head. "I wasn't expecting it. I thought you were going to..."

 

"Hit you?" Puck filled in after a long pause, a dark look coming over his face. "Kurt, does your dad hit you?"

 

"No." Kurt said quickly, relieved at the question. "Honestly, no. I just... don't get touched a lot. People tend to avoid the gay, or ignore me."

 

"Well, get used to it. The Puckersaurus is all about the touch." Puck grinned, much more slowly throwing an arm around Kurt's shoulder. "You scream like a girl."

 

"I have a high voice. It's hillarious, I know." Kurt grumbled, his shoulder's tense under the arm.

 

"Want me to cut off any rumors?" Mercedes asked gently.

 

"There won't be any. Too un-noticed for people to care." He quickly grabbed the books he'd need for the day. "Are you escorting me from class to class Puckerman."

 

"Just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out. Me, Matt, and Mike are having a game night, and we need a forth to replace Finn in the co-op." Puck asked, grinning. "Also, thanks. Three days, and no black eyes, and no getting kicked from the team."

 

"Please. By this point, I choose the team." Kurt smirked, "Why do you think the cute guys tend to make it on."

 

"Oh yeah?"

 

"Yeah, you, David. Matt and Mike." Kurt grinned, waving as Mercedes peeled away.

 

"Finn?"

 

"Well, he does have a certain je ne sais quoi." Kurt shrugged, tensing when he remembered the arm.

 

"Dude. No offence but... he's not..." Puck raised his hand and started to make a limp wristed gesture before he stopped himself. "You know what I mean."

 

"Nice catch." Kurt muttered dryly. "Neither are you, or Matt or Mike."

 

"The Puckerman doesn't distinguish by gender. Just by ... dicks entering him. That's gotta be nasty."

 

"So close." Kurt held his fingers barely an inch apart. "So close to not being offended. I happen to think it's rather nice."

 

"Really?" Puck smirked, "I wouldn't have you down for that. I mean, being... entered."

 

"Mmhm? Well, you don't know much about the gay lifestyle." Kurt grinned. "I like my men manly, yet so does Dave. I imagine, if he was honest with himself, he'd like a muscular guy who was well dressed. Probably into an actual competetive sport rather than just boxing for the hell of it." Kurt shuddered.

 

"Sounds like there's a story there."

 

"It's Dave's story." Kurt said, frowning. "Ask him."

 

"Will do." Puck grinned, and then paused, stopping them dead in the corridor. "Dude, should I set him up with someone? I mean, there's some second stringers who I think are just there to watch the rest of us."

 

"..." Kurt frowned as he considered, before he gently shook his head. "I want to trust your judgement, Noah, but... I'd feel better if I could get a feel of them first."

 

"Well, Duh." Puck rolled his eyes. "You're like the kingpin of this whole thing. Course you get to pick them. And... don't call me Noah in public."

 

"You're seeing private time in our future?" Kurt said, a little mockingly.

 

"I guess if I really want something." Puck laughed, before his eyes hardened. "But, you better not ever force anyone, Kurt. That's not cool."

 

"I wouldn't." Kurt said quickly, blushing yet mortified, "You think...."

 

"I'm just saying.... You have a lot of power." Puck said, frowning. "I don't think you're the type, but ... I think it needs to be said. Hell, if you ever get to a point where it's fuck or die? I know some guys who could step up to the plate. You hate all of them? I'll take one for the team. Just as long as you never..."

 

"I get it." Kurt said solidly, frowning. "I'm never going to blackmail or bribe, or coerce anyone into sex. We were joking about it, but I'll never ask for sex in return for a favour."

 

"Good." Puck said, before the heaviness lifted, and he grinned. "Besides, I only do male cheerleaders."

 

"I'm sure I could get a uniform." Kurt mused, smirking. "That good enough?"

 

***

 

_The next few months were amazing. Dave had his first date outside of Blaine, in a public restraunt, with Puck and Santanna flirting in the table next to them. A cute boy named Chandler, who was a little too bohemian for Dave, but acted as a huge confidence boost, as Dave slowly came out of his shell._

 

_Puck's street cred sky rocketed, as Kurt thought to keep Finn's level. Quinn now wandered the halls, attached to Finn like a lost puppy, which must be hell on Finn's secret rendevous with Rachel._

 

_Mike Chang finally was introduced to Kurt the mastermind, and accepted it with a shrug and a nod, before asking if he was still coming over for game night on friday._

 

_And then, Kurt made a horrific decision._

 

***

 

"Glee Club?" Puck scoffed, before his face became more serious. "You're serious. What are you getting out of this?"

 

"We...." Kurt shrugged, frowning. "Look, we all like to sing."

 

"No we don't." Dave grinned, nudging Mike.

 

"Or Dance." Kurt added, grinning at the pair, and then at Brittany who had recently joined in coming to hang out with Santana.

 

"You want us to... What? Destroy our street cred to sing show tunes." Santana scoffed, "Color me unimpressed."

 

Kurt looked around his front room at his friends. Tina was curled up in Mike's lap, listening with rapt attention. Her legs were thrown over Dave, who was leaning his head back against the back of the couch. Puck had commendeared half the other couch, with Brittany on one knee and Santana on the other. Matt was resting on the floor, watching Kurt carefully, and shooting the occasional glance at Mercedes in the arm chair, who was bouncing excitedly.

 

"We could ask Artie." She pointed out, "Boy loves his rap."

 

"It's still not enough for a competing team." Mike muttered, suddenly very interested in the other wall. "You need 12."

 

"Artie would join back up. That's 10." Mercedes said, clapping her hands.

 

"You could make Finn." Tina pointed out.

 

"I could also vomit. That's an option." Kurt muttered. "Anyone else."

 

"...." Santana looked around the room. "Seriously? You wanna do this?"

 

"Yeah. We all like to sing. And don't deny it. I have several eye witnesses to your changing room ballads." Kurt pointed at her, before turning his puppy dog eyes to Puck.

 

"No way, you can't use those eyes!" Puck whimpered, hiding his face in Santana's ponytail. "Make him stop."

 

"Come on! It'd be fun!" Kurt stressed.

 

"I think it's clear we're going to do it." Matt said, softly. "We just need two more members."

 

"Uh... Chandler?" Dave offered, "He's still in his first year though."

 

"We can invite him." Kurt shrugged. "We will probably have people WANTING to join."

 

"Like Miss Rachel Berry." Puck grinned, as the cheerleaders made a hissing noise.

 

"Aww, Hell to the No." Mercedes held up her hand. "I like my crazy people, like I like my chest wounds. Not."

 

"Finn would bring us to 11, and Chandler 12." Tina pointed out again.

 

"So we're all set."

 

***

 

_They lost of course, but had a blast doing so. Finn was never needed, as Chandler agreed imediately, and took to it like a duck to water, and a really quiet girl named Sunshine joined too._

 

_Kurt finished his year on top form. He had four best friends, six close friends, a small empire of contacts, secrets, and information. He had weekly game nights, and weekly girl nights._

 

_He expected the year to start on the same high, but was sorely dissapointed._

 

_Matt had moved away._

 

_It was like there was a strange void all of a sudden, and he was the only one who noticed it. Mr. Shue, teacher of the Glee Club (because, seriously? Who else would do it?), just shrugged it off, and Mike and Puck admitted that they'd known for weeks._

 

_Matt told him over facebook that he wanted to have the last laugh._

 

_Kurt had smiled for a while over that, and it had helped him get over it._

 

_Which was probably why he had missed Sam Evans at first._

 

***

 

"Who is that." Kurt muttered, pointing at the blonde boy who was running out onto the pitch. Usually, he just copied everyone else around him when watching Puck and Dave, and Mike and Finn playing football, with Tina.

 

"Sam Evans. Nice kid. A little..."

 

"Okay, next question, why is he in Finn's spot." Kurt cut her off, frowning. "Where's my quaterback."

 

"Um... You've been out of it a little, but we thought you knew. Finn was dropped from the team. Sam's Quaterback now."

 

Kurt frowned, and leant forward, his phone already in hand. "He bleaches his hair. Or dyes it." Kurt grumbled. "Doesn't he know I pick the team."

 

"I think you'll find that's the coach." Tina laughed softly. "Come on, at least he's cute."

 

"I can't see." Kurt continued typing, and in the cheerleading section, Santana's phone buzzed.

 

"Are you about to destroy him?" Tina asked, sighing in exasperation. "Kurt..."

 

"Not Destroy. Discover." Kurt assured, his eyes locked on the boy. "What else did I miss?"

 

"Nothing really. Sam's the new boy, and Sunshine has family coming over."

 

"I don't know how I feel about that girl." Kurt grumbled. "I remember a time, I knew everyone's secrets, now I barely know who's in the school."

 

"What does Santana say?"

 

"... Nice guy. Bit geeky, but sweet. Doesn't look up the cheerleader's skirts in practice, but doesn't look at the guys either, so no confirmation."

 

"His family are from Tennessee." A voice came from beind them, and Kurt turned to discover Quinn Fabray watching him like a hawk. "Younger brother and sister. Goes to my church."

 

"Quinn, how nice to see you on your feet."

 

"I'm doing much better. I wanted to speak to you."

 

"If this is about Puck or Finn, I respectfully decline." Kurt said quietly, waiting for her response.

 

"It isn't. Puck knows what happened to our child, and I'm sure that Beth'll be very happy with the ladies who adopted her." Quinn said, her features the softest Kurt had ever seen. "And I finally found out Finn's secret. Really? Rachel Berry?"

 

"There's no accounting for taste." Kurt shrugged, but frowned, "I don't mean to be rude, but why do you want to talk then?"

 

"I... Need help. The friends I had are gone, and my position is gone too. I'm... lonely, and Santana is one of yours now."

 

"Santana was your friend?"

 

"As close as I had." Quinn shrugged. "Turns out, when you're pregnant, you find out who your friends are."

 

"You want me to make you popular?"

 

"I want to ... be friends." Quinn shrugged again, her blonde hair bopping lightly.

 

"That's... fine." Kurt sighed. "You should join the Glee Club. It's where we hang out. And make your peace with Puck."

 

"I will. See you later, Kurt."

 

"Fabray." Kurt nodded, turning his attention to the more pressing blonde.

 

Sam turned to the crowd, grinning and holding the ball up. The crowd surged to cheer, but Kurt remained seated, watching him. Their eyes met, and Kurt felt his stomach twist strangely, as the blonde grinned winningly at him. He cocked his eyebrow, and smiled softly back.

 

"I don't trust him. I get a weird feeling." Kurt muttered when everything went back to normal.

 

"Bad?"

 

"Like with Finn." Kurt shrugged, crossing his arms.

 

"Oh." Tina said, with a small smile. "Hey! Look at Puck go."

 

***

 

"So, you're Dave's friend."

 

Kurt looked away from his book, taking in the dirty sneakers first, then the jeans, and then the ridiculous bullseye shirt, and finally the smiling face of Sam Evans. "You know, houses have doors to keep crazy people out, right?"

 

"I always thought it was to keep them in." Sam grinned easily. "Puck, Mike and Dave went straight to the kitchen with Santana and Brittany, and another girl said I should come introduce myself."

 

"Tiny asian?" Kurt offered, watching the blonde nod, his floppy hair moving a mesmerising amount. "Tina."

 

"That's Mike's girlfriend?" Sam asked, grinning. "I imagined she'd be... taller."

 

"Mmhm, unfortunately, genetics dissagreed." Kurt smiled, putting his book aside. "Kurt. Hummel. Kurt Hummel, is my Name."

 

"I'm Sam." Sam grinned, offering his hand to shake.

 

"Sam I am?" Kurt offered, watching the boys eyes light up.

 

"I do not like Green Eggs and Ham." Sam responded, sagely.

 

Kurt couldn't help the small laugh that escaped. The rest of the group emerged from their various spaces. Mercedes from Skyping with Matt upstairs, Tina and Mike from what looked disturbingly like his linnen closet, and the sports crowd from the kitchen wielding snacks. Puck was at the lead of the pack, sharing a telling look at Dave. "Dude, you play video games."

 

"Who doesn't." Sam laughed, as Dave grunted in annoyance.

 

"I don't." Dave muttered, crossing his arms.

 

"Ignore the bitchy gay." Puck waved, "You can be our fourth. Watch out for Hummel, he acts innocent, but he'll mow you down before you see him."

 

"Scary gay ninja." Mike nodded pulling himself away from Tina long enough to smirk at Kurt.

 

"Why are ninja's scary?" Sam asked, looking between Kurt and Mike, who started sniggering.

 

"We'll let you keep your innocence a little longer, Sammy Boy." Puck laughed, throwing an arm aorund the blonde. "So, what you think of my boy, Kurt."

 

"Well, he knows his Dr Seuss." Kurt mock pondered. "Much prettier than the last Quaterback."

 

Mercedes started having a coughing fit, not helped by the fact that Tina buried her head in Mike's neck to giggle.

 

"I feel like I'm being mocked here." Sam frowned,  crossing his arms.

 

"No. No. Don't worry." Puck assured him, "Kurt's just very picky."

 

"He tends to go for quaterbacks." Santanna hummed to herself, playing with a nail buffer.

 

"Oh." Sam's frowned deepened, before lifting completely, as recognition sparked in his eyes. "Good to know. So, you said there were cool ranch dotiroes?"

 

Kurt waited until Sam was fully engrossed in the food with Dave, before he turned on the girls. "I will kill you. Slowly. And painfully."

 

"Scary." Mike held up one finger.

 

"You totally like him!" Tina laughed, as Mercedes shushed her.

 

"Gay." Mike held up the second finger.

 

"..." Kurt held up a finger, before dropping it, and turning away.

 

"Damn, Mike, no Ninja for you." Tina pointed out, kissing her boyfriend when he pouted.

 

"We don't even know he's gay." Kurt muttered darkly, watching the boy bend over for the doritoes, and catching Dave doing it from the other side. "And I might have competition."

 

"Dave's just an ass man." Puck scoffed, as he perched on the arm of Kurt's chair. "What happened to your ninja skills, man?"

 

"I prefer spy skills." Kurt pointed out again, "And I'm a little rusty. Quinn Fabray managed to sneak up on me. You'd have thought I'd have heard the stretch marks rubbing together from miles away."

 

"Hey, be nice." Puck gave Kurt a light shove. "She's been through a lot."

 

"So, you're good with her joining Glee Club? Fantastic." Kurt smirked at Puck's conflicted expression.

 

"Was Quinn the cute blonde behind you on the bleachers?" Sam asked, grinning. "I think she goes to my church."

 

"Cute?" Dave scoffed, "Really?"

 

"Well, hot, but I didn't want to sound..." Sam shrugged, unaware of the locked down look that settled over Kurt's face.

 

"Well this has been fabulous and all, but I need to get ready for bed." Kurt sighed dramatically, "Guys are in the basement, girls are in my room, and I'm sleeping in my den."

 

"Kurt..." Tina said quietly, but Kurt waved her off. He needed to be alone.

 

***

 

"So, what did you think of Sammy Boy." Puck asked as he climbed through the trap door to the attic. Dave wasn't far behind, eyeing Kurt speculatively.

 

"He seems like a perfectly nice, All-American, church going boy." Kurt muttered, as half lifted off one side of his ear phone, writing in his note pad. "Did you know Mr. Shue and Miss Pillsbury had sex in her office?"

 

"No changing the subject." Puck pointed. "I was gonna invite him to the Glee Club."

 

"That's good, we can use some more voices. Can he dance?"

 

"Probably around my level. And stop distracting me."

 

"You're the one who brought up Glee club." Kurt sighed, pausing the audio feed. "Anything else?"

 

"You really can't see it?" Puck asked, turning to Dave. "You're fluent in Gay. Speak to him."

 

"Kurt...." Dave started, shifting uncomfortably. "Sam is a good guy. He was really glad that there was a gay member of the football team. And he hit it off with Puck, the reluctant Bi."

 

"I'm not Bi. I'm not into their dicks." Puck grumbled.

 

"Yes, he's very interesting. Church but not a homophobe. You don't have to sell me on him. I like him."

 

"We can all tell." With a snort, Puck turned back to Kurt. "You want to bone him, or have him bone you, or skip through a lilac field. Whatever get's your rocks off."

 

"Yes. We made that clear to the straight boy." Kurt grumbled, pointing at the trap door. "You know the exit, now see if you can use it. I have several more tracks before I fall asleep."

 

"You're doing it manually?"

 

"I need to distract myself, Dave." With a sigh, Kurt completely removed the head phones. "We're not all like you. We can't all get dates, so dangling the straight guy in front of me, was a bit of a poor move."

 

"He..." Puck started, but Dave cut him off with a hand, before he nodded to the trap door, and the two quietly opened it again, climbing downstairs, and leaving Kurt to his misery.

 

Kurt sighed, setting up the automatic transcription, and climbing into his cot. Maybe tomorrow it wouldn't be so depressing.

 

***

 

"So, either you've been avoiding us or... you've been avoiding us." Santana's voice drifted over Kurt's shoulder. "What? We not interesting enough for you anymore?"

 

"The day you bore me, Satan, is the day I die of stab wounds to my back." Kurt grumbled, looking around to see who was watching. "I'm avoiding the others."

 

"Well, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't find you." Santana smirked, "What? Did Puck and Karofsky hurt your feelings by inviting the cute blond to your house?"

 

"No." He shouldered his bag. "Sam seems very pleasant. I'm not happy about the fact that I don't have the quaterback under my thumb anymore, but..."

 

"Okay, Hummel. Don't act like I'm new to this. You have the biggest bitch face on since Puck got his mack on with Dave, over you in that game of truth or dare."

 

"Maybe I should tell Sue all about that little surgery you were considering over the holidays." Kurt snapped back, before he caught himself and forced himself to calm down. "Look. I don't like having guys dangled in front of me, and then finding out that they like Quinn Fabray over me."

 

"Want me to kill one of them? Cause I can go all Friday the 13th of Stretchmarks at a moments notice."

 

"No thank you." Kurt grinned, as Santana looped her arm into his.

 

"Just remember, I've not seen him looking at any of the cheerleaders."

 

Kurt shrugged, letting himself be lead into the choir room, before his feet jolted to a stop. "We don't have Glee."

 

"No, but you have friends." Dave's voice came from the other door, as the Glee Club turned to look at him. "Don't like being avoided, K."

 

"I wasn't avoiding you." Kurt rolled his eyes, but Santana gave him a little shove forward.

 

"Yes he was." She said, as she moved to Brittany's side, and Kurt became aware of Puck closing the door behind him.

 

"Is this some kind of intervention?" Kurt joked, as he took in Tina and Mercedes' mock serious faces.

 

"Yes. You have a problem Kurt." Tina intoned gravely, nodding slowly.

 

"It's called Scarygayninja." Mike added, crossing his arms. "You're off your game, Kurt."

 

"I'm sorry that I didn't notice Finn had been kicked off the team. I can have him back in position by tomorrow." Kurt sighed, moving to sit on the piano.

 

"That's not... Okay, first off, Sam's a good quaterback. Better than Gigantor anyway." Puck rolled his eyes. "But calling off Game night? Not cool."

 

"We had to go to Dave's." Mike said, shuddering. "The only game we could play was Dance Dance Revolution."

 

"Because I'm awesome at it." Dave smirked. "You hate not being able to pick the moves."

 

"Focus up guys." Santana pointed. "You know he'll talk his way out of it if you let him."

 

Kurt couldn't help but smirk. "Your point, Satan?"

 

"Stop moping. It sucks Matt's gone. It sucks that you have to deal with Puck on a regular basis..."

 

"Hey!"

 

"And it sucks that apparently, you lost your scary ninja powers to know everything. But you've still got friends, and you can get your power back." Santana finished, crossing her arms. "Find out about Sam. Get to know him."

 

"Get Blackmail you mean." Kurt huffed, crossing his arms too.

 

"No. Get to know him. Be his friend, cause he sure as hell isn't making friends on his own." Santana continued.

 

"Maybe I should just aim him at Quinn Fabray properly." Kurt muttered, jumping off the piano. "They go to the same church, you know?"

 

"Damn. She doesn't get struck down by god when she tries to go in?" Santana pouted, "There goes my plan to consecrate the ground around her house."

 

"Look, Kurt. You don't have to set him up with someone. Just... talk to him."

 

"I can do that." Kurt shrugged. "Easy enough."

 

***

 

"So, Tennessee." Kurt grinned, leaning against Sam's locker. "What was that like?"

 

"Uh... Not much different." Sam looked at him weirdly as he approached. "You okay? The guys said you were sick."

 

"Yeah, but I'm feeling better." Kurt shrugged, "I recover quickly."

 

"Not from what I hear. Puck was talking about this time you were off for two weeks." Sam's brow furrowed, "Didn't actually stop talking about you."

 

"That's Puck for you." Kurt laughed awkwardly. "Anyway. I thought, hey! I'm one of the only ones who doesn't share a class or a sport with you! So maybe I should get to know you outside of class." It was a long shot, since Mercedes had just as much a reason to do this, and Sam might get suspicious. But short of joining the football team (no.) or the cheerleading team (a world of no.) or repeating a year, so he could be in the class with Tina and Sam (why would you even suggest that?) this was his only option.

 

"Cool!" Sam grinned, "So, how'd you know I come from Tennesee?"

 

"Oh, Quinn Fabray mentioned it. You go to church with her?"

 

"More like we go to the same church at the same time." the words fell easily from his lips, and Kurt couldn't help the small smile that bloomed across his face. "I don't think her mom likes me."

 

"Her mom doesn't like guys being near her at all. Not since the...uh..." Kurt made a vague gesture. "Anyway, enough about Quinn, tell me about you!"

 

"Not much to tell really. Just an average guy."

 

"Who dyes his hair." Kurt added, as the two started walking. "Because there's no way thats natural."

 

"Weird." Sam muttered, giving Kurt a strange look again. "Anyway, yeah. Just, me, I guess."

 

"Do you sing at all?" Kurt asked, "Because Puck and Dave and Mike are part of the schools Glee Club."

 

"A bit. Play guitar too." Sam said, his relief evident at being on more comfortable conversational ground.

 

"You should join up. We're down a member since Matt moved away."

 

"Matt is that Mercedes' girl's boyfriend, right?" He asked with a small smile, as if proud of himself for getting the information right.

 

"Yes." Kurt nodded. "And of course, once you're a part of the Glee Club, we can move you into the inner circle."

 

"Sounds mysterious."

 

"Not really. Just means you get invited to all our fun social events, like, 'Dude, my parents are out of town, lets all drink wine coolers until we can't see.'"

 

"That is a big social event." Sam laughed, "I'll think about it. This is my class though. It was cool talking to you, Kurt."

 

"You too." Kurt called back, feeling like an idiot as Sam walked into the room. He almost missed Sam's face as he turned away, only catching the grin and the wink out of the corner of his eye.

 

"So?" Mercedes asked, taking his arm. "Good guy?"

 

"He winked at me." Kurt blinked, "Also, where did you come from?"

 

"What? You think you don't always have someone nearby?" Mercedes laughed, "Boy, you're really off your game. But the cute blond winked at you. What could that mean?"

 

"He probably had something in his eye." Kurt said quickly, blushing. "Or... it was like Puck you know? He kept talking about girls so..."

 

"You've met Puck, right? Mr. Any Hole is a Goal?"

 

"Alchohol induced Bi-sexuality is a terrible thing." He muttered gravely, catching sight of Puck flirting with a cheerleader against her locker. "Actual Bi-sexuality doesn't exist."

 

"Now, are you saying that because you believe it? Or are you saying that because you don't want to risk making a move on Sam?" Mercedes asked, stopping them dead in the hall way and jabbing Kurt's chest.

 

"Both? I don't know. I can barely compete with Dave these days. If we start throwing the Quinn Fabray's of the world in there too?"

 

"Yes. How ever will the cute guy compete with the teen pregnancy queen." Mercedes muttered dryly.

 

"And he goes to church! They're not big on the gay."

 

"I go to church, Kurt."

 

"He's a football player."

 

"Just like Puckerman and Dave."

 

"Look. I just... I don't date. Nobody asks me, and I'm okay with that. Helps me keep a low profile and run my criminal empire."

 

"Except, you've not really done anything criminal yet this year."

 

"Not true! I knocked a few people out of the football team, and a few people out of their homophobia."

 

"Watch me quake in my stylish yet affordable boots." Mercedes muttered dryly. "Look, Kurt. Make a move. You obviously like him, otherwise you wouldn't get so worked up about him."

 

"I'm not getting worked up." Kurt growled.

 

Mercedes laughed, "Any other guy upset you like this? They'd be on their way to military school by now."

 

"Sebastian had it coming." Kurt said, his voice deathly calm. "He knows that the Lima Bean is mine and Dave's place, and yet he kept bringing Blaine there."

 

"Kurt!" Puck grinned strolling towards them. "How did it go?"

 

"Let's not." Kurt rolled his eyes.

 

"... Anyway, mom's taken Sarah out of town for a few days, so I was thinking you, me, a lot of wine coolers, and 20 to 30 other people." Puck grinned, looking hopeful. "Come on dude, house parties always cheer you up."

 

"No, house parties force me to act cheerful."

 

"Same Difference." Puck shrugged, "Come. Please."

 

I guess I could make an appearence." Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes when Puckerman threw an arm around him. His eyes clocking the door Sam had gone through again. "So, explain to me why you got this D."

 

***

 

Kurt was rather drunk. It was a strange experience, since he usually spent the parties of one of the sober people, mocking Puck's drunken antics, but right now....

 

"Kurt, you're going to fall." Mercedes warned, unable to stop giggling. "Your weight..."

 

"Are you calling me fat?" Kurt laughed, as he balanced precariously on the back of the couch. It was only because Dave was sat on the front that the whole thing hadn't toppled over, but Kurt barely noticed. He let go of the couch with one hand, reaching for his drink that Puck had pushed into his hand the moment he walked through the door. "I could have been a Cheerio, you know?"

 

"I can believe it." Puck leered, only to let out a puff of air when Santanna backhanded him in the stomach.

 

"I can't. You're wobbling all over the place. Sue would be throwing rocks at you by now." Santana huffed, crossing her arms. "Get down, before you hurt someone." A look from Puck made her roll her eyes and add. "Or yourself or something."

 

"I'm fine! Watch!" Kurt laughed, putting the stem of the bottle in his mouth, and tilting it back, as he raised his other hand, and then one of his feet.

 

Of course, the inevitable happened, his weight shifted, and he started falling backward. Dave leapt to his feet, and the couch started to follow Kurt in their terrifying descent to the hard wood floor. The glass bottle fell out of his mouth.

 

Kurt let out a short scream, before a pair of arms grabbed him under the arms, letting out a much shorter puff of air, as the bottle shattered all over the floor. It could have been his skull, Kurt realised, looking at all the shining chips of glass.

 

"Easy. Easy, I got you." A voice came from behind him, and Kurt relaxed into the delightfully solid chest for a moment, as the arms wrapped around his chest, in an amazing hug. Kurt raised his hand to his heart, feeling the thudding move from cardiac arrest to a normal level.

 

"Thank you."

 

"It's my pleasure. I'm big at saving damsels in distress." Kurt was finally calm enough to assess the voice, and he tensed up as he noticed that all his football friends were on the other side of the couch looking torn between amusement, and worry. "I guess I can add cute guys to that list too." Sam added with a short laugh, as his grip on Kurt lessened, but didn't remove itself completely.

 

Kurt continued to look at the arms on his chest, blushing a violent red. "I.. uh... Cute?" He could feel Sam taking a breath to answer, and quickly shook his head. "Not the point. Thank you for catching me."

 

"Like I said, it's my thing." Sam laughed, letting Kurt go. "You feeling solid enough to get to a seat?"

 

"You should carry him." Puck grinned, his eyes flashing with a challenging look.

 

"There's no need to..." Kurt's protests were cut off, when Sam lifted Kurt up easily, and carried him to a seat, sitting him comfortably on his knee.  Kurt very pointedly did not think about how well he fit into that position, just buried his blushing face into the nearest material, that happened to be Sam's letterman jacket.

 

"Guess you're lucky I came in late, huh?"

 

Kurt nodded, resting his head for a moment as he tried to steady his drunken mind and body.

 

"I mean, you were looking pretty solid until you tried the foot thing. Are you a cheerleader?"

 

"Maybe in another life." Kurt muttered. "Sorry, I should move."

 

"Or you could stay." Sam offered, and Kurt became aware of the reassuring arm that was inches away from his waist. "I mean, it's an option, and you can say no. That'd be totally cool, too, but options are good, you know?"

 

"Options are good." Kurt nodded a little dumbly. "Like... party snacks."

 

"Yeah. You have the vegetarian options, but some guys really like meat." Sam grinned, "And you might not care about which you get yourself, but it's good to offer both in case someone only eats one or the other."

 

"That's a good metaphor." Kurt smiled softly.

 

"That was an awful metaphor," Dave whispered loud enough for Kurt to hear.

 

"Hey, at least they're talking to each other about guys who like meat." Puck mock whispered back. "Maybe they'll be making out before I have to punch one of them."

 

"Like you'd punch Kurt."

 

"Not, like, in the face, dude." Puck grumbled, crossing his arms. "I'm not a dick."

 

"We're sat right here, guys." Kurt muttered, turning to the group and raising an eyebrow. "Why do I get a feeling I've been played."

 

"I'm going to second that." Sam's voice came from behind Kurt.

 

"Look, nice muscular guy, who's into competative sports, but it isn't his whole life, and... I mean, the well dressed thing is more your area, right?" Puck pointed at Sam, his attention on Kurt, before he switched. "Look, a cute guy, who is strong in himself, and doesn't want you to be anything other than yourself. Hell, best thing for him will be working out every little thing about you, but he'll never push." He made an elaborate gesture and there was silence. He tried it again, and Kurt felt like he was telling them to headbutt each other. "For the love of god. Make out, or make a date or something."

 

"I thought I was the interfering one." Kurt rolled his eyes, being very careful not to look at Sam. "Is this why everyone's talking about me being off my game?"

 

"Hey, if you can't tell that Puckerman is aiming you at a guy, you have a problem." Dave crossed his arms, and shrugged at Sam. "And Kurt's good people. Like... You were talking about how you hadn't had a partner in ages, and..."

 

"Dude!" Sam threw an arm up. "Thanks for destroying my stud image."

 

"I think the fact you keep introducing yourself with a Dr. Seuss quote did that." Dave shot back. "Now, we're going to go into the kitchen, so you two can talk."

 

As the football players made quick time leaving, Kurt blushed, and turned to Sam. "Sorry."

 

"It's cool. It's nice to know I'm apparently such a good catch that I couldn't be in the school a month before people started pairing me up with people."

 

"Well, I thought you wanted Quinn Fabray." Kurt shrugged, with a small smile. "I'm going to warn you, I'm not a big church goer. I'm not a good person."

 

"Are you brave at least? I can deal with honourable. Like... do you always do what you promise." Sam grinned.

 

"I... get the job done." Kurt admitted, with a small smile.

 

"Like Batman." Sam said with a nod, before looking around Kurt to check the doorways before he pulled out his phone.

 

**They dn't no weve been dating since yestrday, do they?**

 

Kurt laughed, resting his head on Sam's letterman jacket. He delicately took Sam's phone, writing a return message.

 

**Haven't you heard? I'm the king of secrets.**

 

Sam grinned, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "Didn't know you could blush on command." he whispered.

 

"It's been 24 hours. There's a lot you don't know." Kurt whispered back.

 

"Mmhm? So it was on command? You weren't just really embarrased about falling off the sofa?"

 

"King of secrets." Kurt lifted his head to meet Sam's eyes, with a grin. "Remember?"

 

"Batman." Sam's breath was warm against Kurt's face. "Does that make me Catwoman?"

 

"You're no Halle Berry." Kurt glanced down at Sam's lips. "Which, I'm very glad about."

 

"Damn, you're **that** gay?" Sam grinned, "Guess that's lucky for me."

 

"Very lucky." Kurt agreed, and pressed a quick kiss to Sam's lips.

 

And in the doorway, feeling supremely victorious, and unaware of the fact they had just been played too, Dave and Puck bumped fists.

 

***

 

_So, Kurt Hummel always worked in secrets._

 

_When Dave told the story of Kurt and Sam getting together at that party, on the wedding day, Kurt just smirked at Sam, who rolled his eyes, and played with his Batman cuffs, making Kurt giggle in a very unmanly way, and have to explain he'd just flash backed to the night._

 

_When people would make jokes about the aniversary of their first date, Kurt would remember that him and Sam had the most perfect anniversary the day before. Sam always had flowers delivered to him at the house._

 

_Kurt had to give up a few little things. He unbugged the school, after a little argument with Sam about people's rights to privacy. He had to let Quinn and Noah date for a whole year before they realised they were too toxic to be in relationship rather than friends. He had to let Sebastian come back, and not destroy him when he started dating Dave. (After all. Blaine was the cheater, Sebastian just knew what he wanted, and would do whatever it took to get it. Kind of like a certain 'perfect boyfriend' of Sam's.)_

 

_But what he got back, was much better. A victory at Nationals, an offer to act in a live action movie about the Young Avengers with his boyfriend. A home in New York, for him, Sam, Puckerman and Dave. An invite to Tina and Mike's wedding, and then Mercedes and Matts. Santana's and Brittany's? He gave Santana away, when her family couldn't deal with it._

 

_And every night? He looked at his boyfriend, who would smile, and whisper secrets to him. About how perfect Kurt was, about how much he loved him. How he was an amazing person (never a good person. Kurt was adamant about that), and that he would always have Kurt, with nothing forcing him to be there._

 

_Kurt Hummel._

 

_Mastermind of McKinley High. King of Secrets. Godfather of an ungodly amount of children. Batman (to a certain someone.)_

 

_It was good to be him._


End file.
